Understanding Behaviours: How They Shape Your Life and How to Change Them
Introduction
Our behaviours play a crucial role in shaping our lives, influencing our relationships, career success, and emotional well-being. Some behaviours empower us, while others hold us back or cause harm. Many people struggle with patterns they wish they could change but feel stuck in a cycle of repeating them.
Understanding behaviours—why they occur, how they impact our lives, and how to shift them—is the key to personal growth and transformation. This article explores common behaviour patterns, their underlying causes, and practical steps to change them.
What Are Behaviours, and Why Do They Matter?
Behaviours are learned patterns of action or reaction that develop over time, often influenced by our upbringing, environment, past experiences, and subconscious programming. While some behaviours serve us well, others can become destructive habits that lead to negative consequences.
Recognizing and addressing unhelpful behaviours is essential for emotional, mental, and social well-being. The first step is identifying the specific behaviours that may be limiting your growth and happiness.
Common Unhelpful Behaviours and How to Overcome Them
- Procrastination
Procrastination is the habit of delaying tasks despite knowing they are important. While it may provide short-term relief, it often leads to stress, missed opportunities, and self-doubt. Common reasons for procrastination include:
- Fear of failure or perfectionism
- Overwhelm and lack of structure
- Low motivation or burnout
How to Overcome It:
- Break tasks into smaller, manageable steps.
- Set specific deadlines and hold yourself accountable.
- Identify the root cause of avoidance and reframe negative beliefs.
- Use the “5-minute rule” (start a task for just 5 minutes to reduce resistance).
- Substance Reliance
Turning to substances like alcohol, drugs, or even excessive caffeine or sugar for stress relief or emotional escape is a common behaviour. While occasional use may not be harmful, reliance on substances can lead to dependency and negatively impact mental and physical health.
How to Overcome It:
- Identify emotional triggers that lead to substance use.
- Find healthier coping mechanisms, such as exercise, meditation, or creative activities.
- Seek professional help or support groups if reliance is severe.
- Create a structured plan to gradually reduce dependency.
- Controlling Behaviours
The need for control often stems from fear, anxiety, or past experiences where things felt unpredictable. People who struggle with control may have difficulty delegating, micromanage others, or become anxious when things don’t go as planned.
How to Overcome It:
- Practice acceptance and trust that not everything needs to be controlled.
- Work on managing anxiety through relaxation techniques and mindfulness.
- Focus on what you can control—your actions and reactions.
- Learn to let go of perfectionism and embrace flexibility.
- Jealousy
Jealousy arises when we feel threatened by the success, happiness, or relationships of others. It often stems from insecurity, fear of abandonment, or comparison.
How to Overcome It:
- Shift focus from external comparisons to personal growth.
- Identify underlying insecurities and work on self-worth.
- Practice gratitude and celebrate your own achievements.
- Improve communication in relationships to address fears or doubts.
- Bullying
Bullying isn’t just a childhood issue—it happens in adulthood, too. It can manifest as manipulation, verbal aggression, or intimidation. People who bully often do so to regain a sense of control or superiority due to unresolved emotional pain.
How to Overcome It:
- Recognize that bullying often stems from one’s own insecurities or past trauma.
- Work on self-awareness and emotional regulation.
- Seek therapy or coaching to break patterns of aggression or dominance.
- Develop empathy by understanding the impact of hurtful actions on others.
- People-Pleasing
People-pleasing involves prioritizing others’ needs over your own, often at the expense of personal well-being. It can stem from childhood conditioning, fear of rejection, or low self-worth.
How to Overcome It:
- Learn to say “no” without guilt.
- Prioritize your own needs and self-care.
- Recognize that seeking external validation is not the path to self-worth.
- Surround yourself with people who respect your boundaries and choices.
- Lack of Boundaries
Boundaries define what is acceptable and unacceptable in relationships, work, and personal life. A lack of boundaries can lead to burnout, resentment, and unhealthy relationships.
How to Overcome It:
- Clearly define your personal limits.
- Communicate boundaries assertively but respectfully.
- Recognize that setting boundaries is an act of self-respect, not selfishness.
- Practice enforcing boundaries consistently.
How to Change Unhelpful Behaviours
- Develop Self-Awareness
The first step in changing behaviours is recognizing them. Journaling, mindfulness, and honest self-reflection can help identify patterns and triggers.
- Understand the Root Cause
Most behaviours are driven by deeper emotional or psychological reasons. Working with a therapist, coach, or mentor can help uncover underlying beliefs and past experiences shaping these behaviours.
- Replace Negative Behaviours with Positive Ones
It’s not enough to stop a behavior; it must be replaced with something healthier. For example:
- Replace procrastination with structured time management.
- Swap substance reliance for stress-relief practices like exercise.
- Replace people-pleasing with assertive communication.
- Practice Self-Compassion
Behaviour change takes time. Instead of self-criticism, practice self-compassion and acknowledge progress, no matter how small.
- Seek Support
Changing behaviours is easier with accountability and guidance. Support from a coach, therapist, or a trusted friend can make a significant difference.
Final Thoughts
Behaviours shape our lives, and recognizing unhelpful patterns is the first step toward change. Whether it’s procrastination, substance reliance, controlling tendencies, or people-pleasing, shifting these behaviours can lead to a healthier, more fulfilling life.
Change begins with self-awareness and small, intentional steps. If you recognize any of these behaviours in yourself, take the first step today toward creating positive, lasting change.
Are you ready to transform your behaviours? The journey to self-improvement starts with one conscious decision at a time.